she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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