office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
