So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
