Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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