She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
