The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize