True but thats because hes a fetus.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
