Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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