i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just found puke in my bra..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize