mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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