if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
