I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
