So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize