I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
