I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
