Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
All the doctor said was why
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
