think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
