they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize