Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

I am full of burrito and curiosity

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(563): View more from Iowa

Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties

Fav 16 5614 1299
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(256): View more from Alabama

I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.

Fav 9 2846 1215
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(361): View more from Texas

I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.

Fav 8 2426 1233
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent

Fav 12 4075 1193
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(320): View more from Minnesota

I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.

Fav 3 1082 585
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(270): View more from Kentucky

There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig

Fav 4 637 529
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(336): View more from North Carolina

The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving

Fav 0 17 20
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(740): View more from Ohio

I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.

Fav 0 41 12
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