We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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