Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
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