You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
