Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
