how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
