so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
