We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
