I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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