dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
