I look better un-naked...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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