do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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