it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
