Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
