Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
