I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
