this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
