bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize