Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
