her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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