dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
