I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize