just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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