Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
