HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
