He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
