she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
