I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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