Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
