I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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