dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
