she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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