her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
