You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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