That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
