Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
