my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
