I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
