the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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