Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
