i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
