I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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