He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
