I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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