creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
