i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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