so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
