i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
