in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
