wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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