So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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