just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
