so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Randomize
