I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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