You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
