if i can run in heels then i can drive
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
