We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
