dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
