i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
