Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
