can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
