Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
