My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
