i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
